Even before we had children, we wanted to homeschool because of the benefits we’ve heard it brings – how it shapes lifelong values and character and instill a solid foundation of faith for the kids. But a few years into parenting, just “wanting” is not enough to sustain us in this educational path we’ve decided to tread.

Our homeschooling is less than ideal. I thought that our eldest would automatically enjoy it like a plug and play kind of thing. I thought that he would look forward to our learning time, eager with a smile and a pencil in hand. But my head was probably in the clouds. I think that my ideas of how to go about it was far from fostering a love for learning.

Learning in a traditional school, I imagined a traditional set up but just inside a home. A fixed schedule, a little break, an excited student (on some days like i was then lolz) and the best bonus – the full attention of a teacher to answer all sorts of questions immediately. All materials that I like are around me – pens, papers, sketch pads, new books. The comfort and coziness of home. The nearness of everything familiar especially to a first grader who didn’t have to go to a big school and navigate the new environment, new faces, a filled up schedule etc.

But boy was i wrong especially since i was handling a boy who needs to move every so often. This is probably harder than all the things i’ve learned in my academic years. It’s like taking a crash course on teaching + being on the parent side ensuring your child gets the most out of the education we decided on, and of course not factoring in the moods and learning style of not just any child but my child whom I will be with 24/7. Where does mommy begin and where does “teacher” end? Or is it teacher mommy the whole time? What is my personality as a teacher mom? Was I finish everything first before you move to playing? Or was I the chill mom whatever you can finish?

I had no background / experience whatsoever in homeschooling except for hearing about experiences and through a book. When we opted for a provider, we attended a seminar on how it would be like. The actual was different. It was harder to “enforce” the standard and impose a schedule. It wasn’t smooth sailing and seamless as I thought it would be.

There were a lot of struggles since our setup needed high parent involvement (by choice…). And I wanted our schedule to be on point since I had another son at 3 years old to attend to, I was just in my early stages of a pregnancy and I had to manage the home. These were a lot on my plate and meeting the schedule and demands took a toll on our relationship as mother and son.

There were a lot of times I felt like giving up. Somewhere along the way I lost the “why” of wanting to homeschool in the first place. My son in grade 1 then needed a lot of help in reading and comprehending a lengthy text, I would often find myself out of breath. Plus I was no math wiz. I praise God that my husband got involved and read some books for him. But more than that he was there to remind me, pray for me and encourage me whenever I would feel lost and frustrated in this journey.

Come Grade 2, we adjusted our curriculum and prioritized our relationship. Gone are the heavy adjustments and transition from trad pre-school to homeschool. We stuck to what mattered the most. I sought advice from seasoned homeschoolers and was blessed with how they do their homeschooling, leading us to that decision on what to prioritize. That year I learned to also entrust to God this season and journey. It should have been second nature right considering I was walking with the Lord. But being excited and all about finally homeschooling, I forgot what was important to us. I rushed into the admin work / the goals / what he must learn by the end of the year. I was putting unnecessary pressure on myself and my son so we can meet the schedule.

One of my prayers was that my son would read longer texts independently. Just that. Once he learns to do this, he can already self study. By God’s grace after reading aloud The Horse and his boy by CS Lewis, joining a book club, and then supplementing the discussions over dinner and all, just one day, he picked up the book and read on his own! This opened doors for him and he suddenly started devouring books. Novels after novels and books we haven’t even read. We could barely catch up. My mommy heart was so happy. I was a reader and this really opened doors to worlds I wouldn’t have known were it not for the books. I was also happy for him because he’s enjoying learning too.

While reading his books, I’ve been learning so much too. So many good characters with character, so much history I’ve never known, so many practical knowledge that I should know – trees and insects I only knew now. So much nature appreciation, I haven’t had time to really sit down and enjoy and so much appreciation for God’s design and what we have now.

I read somewhere that as a homeschooling parent we are the ones taught first and this rings true. Being taught by my sons and just reading their books, I wish I were homeschooled! :)) But I understand that my journey was necessary so we can pass on this gift to our children – the gift of slowing down, quality time, a foundation and family bonding that can be fostered by this choice we are making for our little family.

Our journey is far from perfect and I know there will be excellent days and days where I would feel overwhelmed but trusting the process as they say. We are just stewards at the end of the day, and reminding myself to entrust this whole journey to the One who holds their future.